The Highly Sensitive Person in Love – Book Review

Do you fall in love hard, but fear intimacy? Are you sick of being told that you are “too sensitive”? Do you struggle to respect a less-sensitive partner? Or have you given up on love, afraid of being too sensitive or shy to endure its wounds?

Statistics show that 50 percent of what determines divorce is genetic temperament. And, if you are one of the 20 percent of people who are born highly sensitive, the risk of an unhappy relationship is especially high. Your finely tuned nervous system, which picks up on subtleties and reflects deeply, would be a romantic asset if both you and your partner understood you better. But without that understanding, your sensitivity is likely to be making your close relationships painful and complicated.

Based on Elaine N. Aron’s groundbreaking research on temperament and intimacy, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love offers practical help for highly sensitive people seeking happier, healthier romantic relationships. From low-stress fighting to sensitive sexuality, the book offers a wealth of practical advice on making the most of all personality combinations. Complete with illuminating self-tests and the results of the first survey ever done on sex and temperament, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love will help you discover a better way of living and loving.

At the end of last year, I found out that I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) which has helped me in every aspect of my life. I can now understand when I am getting overwhelmed, how to understand myself, and how to improve myself and gain confidence in what I do. I know some of my readers are also HSPs or INJF (which is my Myers-Briggs Type, but is often very similar to HSP descriptions) and it really made me feel like part of a community rather than a loner.

I wrote a review about The Highly Sensitive Person and I loved that book so much that I knew I wanted to read this one as well. At the time I started reading this book, my fiancé and I were going through miscommunication (which happens often in our relationship because of the language and cultural difference, as well as the distance). I knew that there was something deeper going on and that my insecurity was affecting my relationship and wanted to delve deeper to see if my being HSP had anything to do with it.

This book gives great insight on relationships, love, commitment, self-esteem, and helps the reader look back on his or her childhood to understand how it might be affecting relationships and daily life. I really get a lot out of these kinds of books because I like to read them slowly, thinking back on my life to try to piece together some understanding of myself. However, I think if you are the type of person who seeks self-help books for practical, immediate advice or results, this book will sorely disappoint you.

Dr. Aron doesn’t so much give advice as describes the different HSPs (individuals as well as couples) who she has counseled through the years. Her main point, I think, is to show people like me who feel lost and disconnected with advice geared toward non-HSP or those who aren’t aware of the trait that we are all similar but very different and need to come to terms with our own past in order to have healthy relationships.

Parts of the book were more engaging than others, but I think it has something for every HSP (and even non-HSP who is in a relationship with an HSP). I went through the book slowly, taking my time to read and reflect. Then I would put the book down, go about my day and see where problems arose to try to tackle them head on. This book really helped me recognize ways I can prevent conflict and overcome it. Of course it hasn’t completely changed my life in one go, but most of the time Dr. Aron gives advice, she also reminds the reader that change will take time but with practice things will get easier.

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love is a great book if you are an HSP or in a relationship with an HSP (you might not know it, so take the self-test here) and you feel that some of your relationships aren’t as satisfying as you think they could or should be. After reading this, I would really love to meet up with Dr. Aron in person and tell her how much I appreciate the research she has no doubt painstakingly done to achieve such knowledge in the field of psychology.

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6 thoughts to “The Highly Sensitive Person in Love – Book Review”

  1. Omg.. after I read those first few blurb lines I was like, “are you me?” I just took that test and it looks like I probably am an HSP. Jun is always telling me I’m too sensitive or not understanding why/how I feel about a lot of things. I think I should read this book! I had no idea this was even a thing…

    1. Read the first one and then read this one! It makes more sense that way. But I am so glad I could help you discover your HSPness haha Yeah after I found that out, Junkyu has been a lot more understanding and less judgmental (he used to say I should fix my personality but now he says it makes me more empathetic and that it’s not something to be fixed) and we are a lot better at communicating when I can recognize ‘Oh, I am shutting down because I am overwhelmed’. It has helped me in all my relationships, though, and helped me realize why I hate my work environment so much (loud noises, constant noise, too bright, no privacy). There are tons of podcasts and blog posts about HSPs but start with Dr. Aron’s first book and go from there ^^

      1. Thanks! I’ll look for that one first. Ah.. Jun has said that exact thing, that I should “fix” my personality ;__; good to know it helped you out, hopefully it can do the same for me 🙂

  2. Omg.. after I read those first few blurb lines I was like, “are you me?” I just took that test and it looks like I probably am an HSP. Jun is always telling me I’m too sensitive or not understanding why/how I feel about a lot of things. I think I should read this book! I had no idea this was even a thing…

    1. Read the first one and then read this one! It makes more sense that way. But I am so glad I could help you discover your HSPness haha Yeah after I found that out, Junkyu has been a lot more understanding and less judgmental (he used to say I should fix my personality but now he says it makes me more empathetic and that it’s not something to be fixed) and we are a lot better at communicating when I can recognize ‘Oh, I am shutting down because I am overwhelmed’. It has helped me in all my relationships, though, and helped me realize why I hate my work environment so much (loud noises, constant noise, too bright, no privacy). There are tons of podcasts and blog posts about HSPs but start with Dr. Aron’s first book and go from there ^^

      1. Thanks! I’ll look for that one first. Ah.. Jun has said that exact thing, that I should “fix” my personality ;__; good to know it helped you out, hopefully it can do the same for me 🙂

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