Here’s a quick post to remind all of you lovely people something:
There is nothing to be afraid of.
Today is the first day of the second school semester, so I did not have much to do work wise. I brought Hidamari no Kanojo to read but other than that, I let myself have a relaxing day before a busy night (F.T. Island concert!!! Yessss) and a busy week of planning not only for my JHS lessons, but for next week (ES visit week) as well.
So starting today we have three new people in the teacher’s lounge. They are all fourth year university students who want to be teachers, so they are here for three weeks to observe classes. I feel cool now because I’ve been here a while and I remember when it was my first day. I looked exactly how they look. Nervous, stiff, uneasy, and slightly bored.
I want to tell them what I am telling you.
Everyone starts somewhere. Everyone has these first few days of ”Um, what should I do?” and then somewhere along the way you slip into a routine without realizing it.
Today I got pretty far in my novel. Because this book is now a movie with Matsu Jun in it, I HAVE to read it. I refuse to see the movie before I finish the book. So I’m not really scared anymore of reading a book in Japanese. I’ve done it before, but I was still scared. It’s like trying to cook for the first time. You know how food should taste and you are pretty sure how to turn on a stove, but along the way you know you will have to look up things incessantly and that realization is kind of daunting.
But I love this book. It is so interesting and easy to read, I am almost done with the first hundred pages. To me, that’s a lot for not a lot of reading time (also the book is IN JAPANESE if I may point that out again)
So I am not going to be afraid of reading Japanese novels anymore. If they aren’t interesting from now on, I am not going to pressure myself into thinking that it’s because I am no good at reading Japanese or that I am too dumb to understand what is going on. Because I can read some things and interest level never depends on how much skill you have. Remember that.
Also. A friend and I (Hi Sunny!) have decided to start singing together, learn piano or perhaps guitar, and start going to kpop dance classes. While I don’t really think I’m the best dancer, it is fun and it is one of the only ways that I find exercise exhilirating rather than miserable. And I desperately need exercise. I think chemically it makes you happy or something. I need happy right now, thank you.
So both of us are nervous, yeah. But I feel like after we get into it, we will love it, and we will make new friends and for one night a week I won’t have to eat dinner alone in my apartment. I need to stop doing that. As liberating as my own place is, at times it is depressing.
So there you have it. Read books. Dance. Sing. Study science, I don’t care. Go do something. Stop telling yourself you can’t because you are afraid you will fail. Because you will. Everyone fails. Who cares? We have one life, and this is it. And if you don’t fail now, when will you ever get good at anything?
Everyone tells me they think I am so lucky for this and that, but I’m just living my life like everyone else. Luck didn’t do anything. I tried everything I wanted to try and it got me to here and now. Don’t waste energy telling someone they are lucky they got to do something. Go out and try to make it happen for yourself.